from the scene. That is how you feel when you choose to look after your kids. You grow and you feel like you disappear at the same time. No talk, no time, just a feeling of constant tiredness. You forget things when you change room. Sometimes, though you have that time somehow, you ask yourself, am I conscious enough with my choices. (Am I? )
Then someone cries “muummy” or just cries. That’s it. That’s how you feel you’ve been disappearing but glowing and growing at the same time. The sun shines beautifully on your face, you are the happiest person on the planet, yet you feel dissolved, drained, disappearing. It’s really strange to be once a college-girl-and-all-for-herself person then a mum-to-be then a mum and then pregnant again.
We were the last children of Turkish Republic. My generation was almost the last hope. We had so much education with the hope to save the system. But it didn’t work. Today we all are in postmodern exiles. None of my friends are living in their birth city. All though they all are from big cities. We left, we are leaving or dream to leave. And when we leave, we go back to our country only for holidays. We know we are not wanted there anymore.
And here we are, you turned 39 this month. August is your month. Life is getting slower and slower. 30 weeks pregnant. You barely walk, you barely talk, not much friends in the new city, just discovering, and looking for the new balance.
World people 